I have a friend who lives on the other side of the world. We met as co-workers once but went our separate ways. We were able to maintain our friendship despite the distance. It’s not as if we talk to each other that much, but when we do, we talk about some of the worst stories. We find our conversations pretty hilarious especially our misfortunes. It was funny talking about it but we shared the pain when some of the best people in our lives left us because they thought we were being a “toxic” friend.
Despite the same sentiments, we have different reasons why we don’t involve ourselves that much with friends anymore. I guess it’s frightening to trust and go through that dreadful feeling of betrayal all over again. After a recent conversation, I realized that she had loads of valid reasons why she didn’t want to go to their get together. But since she’s a nice person, she couldn’t tell them why she wouldn’t join them and probably never will. I really hope one day her friends get to read this. My heart goes out to you dear friend.
After you guys left me, I understood the reality of this world. It made me realize how I relied on everybody for everything and how everyone influenced my decisions. I didn’t have any choice but to endure the bitter taste of loneliness. I’ve made bad decisions that I know I’ll regret forever.
It pains me to look at you guys from afar, but I’m tired of being judged and laughed at. I’m not perfect, and I know that I make the wrong decisions over and over again. But like you guys, I’m human too.
Human beings are born sensitive – it is an attribute that is forgotten most of the time. At some point in time, no matter how hard we convince ourselves that we want to start fresh, meet new people, go to places we’ve never been, we will miss seeing familiar faces. To remember how it felt to be immature and yourself before the world changed us.
I’ve always thought that friends are gifts from God. They never get old as long as you take care of them but then, I realized they’re more than that – they’re family. And like family, they need to go on their own and nurture themselves to grow and bloom like beautiful flowers in this weed-infested society.
Despite everything, I thank you for all the wonderful memories you’ve given me. I give my sincere thanks to all the hurtful words you said. They made me better and more courageous. Thanks for leaving me on my own, I’ve learned that you have to experience loneliness before solitude. And also thanks for saying goodbye, you’ve taught me to face life’s consequences alone.
I’m happy that you’ve freed yourself from my toxicity. I hope one day I can set myself free from you guys too.
Improbable Roads 